I always wear a watch when I'm on a plane. Then time always flies. Do you know why a cop crawls on the floor of a store? He's looking for low prices. You know why cops carry a saw in the trunk? Because they cut corners. Do you know why cops have a garden on their car? So they can bet fines. A mathlete couple sits in a park and whispers in each other's ears. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes. And how much did you get? The Communist Party decides to open a brothel in the capital to attract tourists and their strong currency. Everything runs somehow, but after a year, the books reveal that they have an awful big loss. I don't understand, complains the Communist official responsible for this work. I mean, I hired all the best girls. Each has been a loyal party member for 30 years! You know what always makes me laugh? My facial muscles. Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 = DEC 25. Woman sends husband shopping: Please buy two legs of sausage. And if they have eggs, take ten. My husband walks into the store. Hello. Do you have eggs? Yes. Then give me ten legs of sausage. Why do Soviet policemen travel in threes? One can read, one can write, and the third watches out for two dangerous intellectuals.